I’m going to go out on a limb here and offer a small observation: I don’t think, in our imperfect state, Christians were ever meant to be the way we are today. I don’t think we were ever meant to be so shiny and polished and…. not real.
Surely, when Jesus sent us into this tarnished and broken world, He knew some of the grime and brokenness would seep into us. Surely, He knew we would cry and shake our fist at Him and want to die before going through more pain; He actually told us we would have “tribulation and trials and distress and frustration”. So what do we do with this?
Do we just bury our heads in the sand and pretend like the world isn’t there? That doesn’t work, I can tell you. Do we refuse to go on until something changes? That doesn’t work, either. Do we misquote pretty scripture out of context and paint on a saccharine smile until it goes away? I can tell you that would be the worst way of dealing with it, ever.
I have had a rough season- it feels never-ending. Utterly disappointed by God’s way of doing things; fear, terror actually, of His will; pissed off and absolutely fed up with Christians and their Sunday school answers when all I really need is someone to tell me what I’m going through is acceptable. You know? Like it’s okay to be human. We’re meant to be real and, yet, we’ve avoided the topic, all together. Mostly, we just pretend like nothing ever happened. We open our Bibles and deny half of the issues it addresses: real life.
Pain. Anger. Ugly feelings. Hopelessness. Bitterness. Despair. Confusion. Lethargy. Fear.
How can we possibly be a light to the world when we can’t even be a light to each other? If I, being a Jesus Follower for most of my life, am avoiding Christians and Bible studies like the plague, how much more so do others despair of any tangible reality in Christ? If non-feeling, cliche-quipping, fake Christians are all they see?!
I am telling you this: feel the pain, work through the doubt, forgive asinine Christians, and resolve in your heart that at the end of it you will still find yourself at the feet of Jesus. That’s eventually what I’ve come to; I’m working through some serious hate, anger, bitterness and I really, truly feel as if it’s isn’t worked through- if I just ignore it and make sure my Sunday clothes are properly pressed- it will just stay and fester.
I guess all this to tell you: we’ll be okay if we make the decision to be real. It will suck and we’ll have to fight through the fires and the darkness, I’m sure. But that’s LIFE. And because Jesus knew it was going to happen, He knows we’ll come out at the end of it all a hero. A victor. All through Him, of course, because the second thing I’m learning is that there’s no way any victory will happen by our human hands. But, in the end, being real is the only way of coming through to the other side
My heart is still on Jesus. I tell Him, “I do believe in you. I won’t leave you.” And I think He’s okay with that.